I Heart Primary Childrens

Yesterday the Young Men in our ward came by collecting money for Pennies by the Inch. We contributed an embarrassingly small amount, but I vowed again to someday give lots of money to Primary Children's. It's on my bucket list to donate a tree to Festival of Trees, and then, years later (cuz it's even more expensive) I'm going to be a purchaser of Festival of Trees trees. (say THAT three times fast!;)  Currently, we are working towards simply making ends meet, but someday, my pocket book will match up with my gratitude.

Gratitude for the place that saved Luke's life. I know it. It is a miracle that we live close to such a specialized, high-tech, awesome place.  In the SHORT time since Luke's accident, I've been able to watch other miracles happen at Primary Childrens.

Miracles for the little boy of one of my best friends from high school, who has a heart baby.  That little baby is alive in no small part due to the steady hands of qualified surgeons, to the vigilant nurses, and the miraculous equipment that he spends time using.

Miracles for my niece and nephew who have spent time there for un-diagnosed muscular issues and seizures that started without warning or understanding.

Miracles for a little girl who couldn't see real well.

Miracles for a baby girl who had all sorts of intestinal issues and underwent surgeries to stablize and correct the problem. 

So--although there is always the chance you will get the crabby nurse, or your doctor will over look something, or you will be stuck in a small room--overall, my experience has been positive and I'm thankful for that great institution! 
(And this post in no way negates the awesome power of a loving Heavenly Father...He could fix hearts and heads and eyes and muscles and intestines in a cave in Africa is He wanted to.) 

It's been a year!!

It's been a year. One year this Friday (August 25th) we came home from Primary Childrens.  One year ago tomorrow (August 20th) Luke took his flying leap from the shopping cart.  One year ago I was crying in a hospital bathroom asking Heavenly Father to let my baby boy live, or if not, to give me the strength I needed to be okay. One year ago I became acquainted with sadness and fear and worry like I had never before known. One year ago I saw miracles happen over and over and over again.  One year ago I learned that life is fragile and quick and fleeting.

Today--I still worry about keeping Luke alive! ;)  He is wild and nuts and crazy. He climbs and jumps and talks and screams. He snuggles. He plays.  He wants to be bigger and older and stronger--he thinks he is! He falls (twice in the last year specifically, landing on his head. Once out of a shopping cart, once on the cement) and then just keeps going.  Old ladies at church can't watch him cuz he gives them heart palpitations.  He drives Grandma nuts when he visits.  He keeps me on my toes and on my A game.  There is not doubt in my mind that he will have NO lasting effects from his adventure.

And I love him. And I thank Heavenly Father for him everyday.  And I feel blessed to be his mom and to help him learn and grow--and hopefully stay alive! :)

Little Moments

I saw a life flight helicopter today...it gave me 'heart palpitations' like it always does. 

 And it quickly whisks me away to another time and place, another awful feeling and place, another awful night.  And it reminds me of my many blessings--like it always does.  And reminds me how lucky we are.  And how loved.  And how blessed.  

It reminds me that somebody, somewhere, is having the worse day of their life.  And I always say a little prayer for that family, for that mother, for that baby (cuz, no matter the age, we all are our mothers babies.)

Sure love my little Luken.  Sure glad to see life flight helicopters--even with the heart palpitations.  They remind me to hold my family a little bit closer.

Remembering...

Remember this?  And this and this and this?


Last night, I read on facebook that a friend had a sister (hold on, keep following) who had a daughter who suffered a fall and was headed to Primary Childrens' for scans.  It brought back all sorts of emotions and memories and feelings.  Boy oh boy!  I've been thinking about his accident a lot recently as we are approaching his first birthday--crazy!  When I think about how different this upcoming day could have been, I am so eternally grateful for Primary Childrens, for guardian angels, for prayers and faith and modern medicine.

I had to pull up some of his hospital scans this morning after I saw a scan that my friend posted.  

                  We are so very, very blessed!

So Blessed....

I went to Festival of Trees today for the first time. I was actually a little teary as I walked around and wondered how many of the trees came out of stories of tragedy, and how many came from stories of miracles (although, I know that you can truly experience miracles, even through tragedy).

I couldn't help but think that our story could have turned out so very, very, differently.

We are so blessed!

Moving on...

So, we've had some fun around here, and I really should start posting about someone beside Luke--and I'm sure I will, one of these days!!  I just can't seem to finish it all up, just yet.  Sometimes (most times) when I close my eyes I see horrible things--things made of nightmares.  Nurses pumping the oxygen to keep him alive. The words, "Make him cry, Mom.  Crying babies are live babies." Watching him being wheeled into surgery. That blasted waiting room phone.  CT scans and scared, swollen shut eyes.  And maybe the worst, my sweet boy hitting that floor over and over again. I've been singing a lot of primary songs in my head these days--if primary songs are the trick to getting bad thoughts out of you head, they'll work in this situation too!  And you know what,  I've also been having lots and lots of happy pictures replace those scary ones.  A sweet, smiling baby.  The sight of my Dad coming to visit over and over again.  Late night hour long hospital visits from my brother and his wife.  Finally getting to hold my baby.  Finally getting to hold my baby when it doesn't hurt him anymore! Playing with Katelyn and Josh in the sibling rooms.  Breakfast, lunch, and dinner with Mike outside, eating gross hospital food.  Katelyn's prayers for Luke.  Pinteresting the hours away with Mom.

Yesterday was fast Sunday, and is it any wonder that both Mike and I fasted out of gratitude.  It was an emotional day for me, thinking about where we were 3 weeks ago and seeing where we are now.  Last night we had our quarterly family fireside and talked about tender mercies and miracles.  We talked about how even trials can be tender mercies and that if we have the eyes to see and the heart to feel we can see the Lords hand in our life and feel the peace that He so badly wants to give us.  I know that's true.  As I reflect on our whole experience, I find something new each time that tells me that there were tender mercies all throughout. The timing of the whole thing.  The nurse that was on duty the first night I left my sweet baby there alone.  The friends who called, texted, brought dinner, watching kids.  All the times people told me about the prayers their children were offering.  The trauma admit program at the hospital. The social worker assigned to our case. Our proximity to the hospital.  The availability of a life flight helicopter.  The fact that they serve cream of wheat for breakfast.  Hugs from my favorite people in the ward.  We were so truly and deeply blessed it's overwhelming.

Luke is doing great.  Really, really great.  It's going so much better then I had planned on, I feel downright spoiled.  Sleep is a bit of an issue, but I don't know how much of that is due to pain or due to bad habits being formed.  He's playing well, is really happy most of the time, is eating good and still hitting all those neurological goals.  His stitches are starting to come out and his incision looks really great.  We can finally get it wet so he's not quite as smelly anymore either! :)  The olders are doing great too.  We're taking more of those little moments to play around here--Mike and Katelyn has been throwing a lot of paper airplanes and Josh and I are reading a lot of books.  My house is slowly coming back together after our CRAZY August, and we've been canning like it's our job!  Everyday I look at Luke and thank Heavenly Father for the miracle of his life.  And, what is more, I thank Heavenly Father for the things I've learned and felt, for the way we've grown.  One of these days I'm going to be able to close my eyes and not see horrible images, but in the meantime they serve to remind me how blessed we are!!

 

Our Luke...

Before I move on to all the other fun things that have been going on (St. George, Josh's birthday, Pinteresting fun) I thought I'd finish up about our Luken Guken.  Bless his sweet little soul--! We've been home for the weekend now, and it is going so much better then I had feared.  Just got back from the follow-up appointment with the Pediatrician and he got a clean bill of health there too!  The stitches will probably take about 6-8 weeks to dissolve, but that's fine with me.  I'm taking that as a good thing cuz I'm all about his little head being good and  sealed before those puppies come out!

I've fretted all weekend about doing more posts due to a nasty comment left on my blog by some random person (never before thought about going 'private' but I do now!).  Something about negligence and self righteousness and miracles not being real.  Well, I'll own up to the pieces of that comment that may be true, but I'm not going to let the false ones bug me anymore.  Miracles are real and negligent ?--sure.  Perhaps.  Knowing what I know now would I have ever put him in that car seat unstrapped? No way!  But, if I was doing it all again without the same 20/20 backwards vision I'd probably do the some thing again.  (To clarify, he was in his car seat, unstrapped, which was clipped into the shopping cart.  When I went over a piece of molding on the floor to see a display better, the cart jigged sideways, causing the car seat to slide to the left, causing Luke to be vaulted out of this seat, and right onto the floor.)  As for being self righteous, I'm not sure what that exactly means but I sure don't think that I have done anything to warrant so many blessings--but I am SO INCREDIBLY grateful that we were blessed with our little Luke.  Someone told me that perhaps Heavenly Father has something big in store for my little man--and I'm going to hold on to that idea.  He's got some big blessings to live up to!

Since coming home, Luke has been doing awesome. He's sleeping good and is a bit more clingy then usual, but I don't mind it--I'll snuggle that boy as long as he'll let me!  I think we are slowly getting the olders back to normal too: Katelyn has stopped waking up at night saying she wants to go home, and Josh is less whiny today then he was yesterday and the day before.  We spent the morning at home today--cleaning, reading books, playing cars, playing beauty shop and just hanging out.  We hit up the pediatrician and then were right back home for afternoon home-ness.

I got in contact with IKEA.  They seem like they are going to be great to work with and I'm hopeful that their insurance will help to offset some of our medical costs.  They aren't specifically at fault, I'm not specifically at fault but between a good deal of bad luck, stupid wheels and buckles, unbuckled babys' and great things to see we landed ourselves in the ICU and I would love to use our extra money each month to save up and take a trip next spring instead of paying off our baby Luke for the next few years of our life!  I guess we'll see!!

We came home from the hospital Thursday afternoon.  Thursday was a tough day for me.  Leaving home Thursday morning with Katelyn crying just about did me in.  I got to the hospital and heard the news that we were going to get to go home and finally broke down.  Crying is very therapeutic! :)  We hung around for several hours picking up prescriptions and copies of the scans, fixing information in the computer, getting all the discharge info, and just being so amazed at how well our Luke was doing!  

Hanging out with Daddy after we got out of the ICU...

Mom's shoulder is the best place to sleep!

Finally totally detached!!

Headed home!!!

 We were home just after lunchtime and spent the afternoon chilling--sleeping, watching TV, reading books, just enjoying being all together!  We built forts in the living room and had yummy dinner-which I didn't have to prepare!

Everybody home and ready for bed--all under one roof!!

Church yesterday was tender.  Seeing all the people who have been praying and thinking about us was so good for my heart.  It's so good to be in a ward full of such great people!!  The songs in sacrament meeting made me teary, the YW in class made me happy, and all my friends made me feel so loved.  It is still unbelievable to me that this time last week I was still having some moments where I thought we might not be bringing our Luke home.  We are so blessed!

I heard a quote during all this that is beginning to make more and more sense. "I have learned that faith means trusting in advance what will only make sense in reverse." -Phillip Yancy.  Lots of things are beginning to make more sense through this lens...the timing of the whole ordeal (most Dr's, I'm told, won't do CT scans on head bumps unless there is great reason to), for one.  I'm practicing not asking 'why' but to ask 'what can I learn.'  I think that it's safe to say this was a life altering event that will change how I look at things from here on out.

Love our little Luke!!!