Changes--

I had expected to write this update tonight with excitement and relief...instead, it feels a bit like my heart is broken and at this house we are mostly feeling sad, confused, and hurt.

We lost our lot tonight.  The woman who has been holding it for us for months got a better offer--literally one hour before we had an appointment to sign all the papers and pass over all sorts of money.  Looking back, we probably should have signed papers and passed money months ago, but we felt confident in our verbal agreement and have felt very directed on this path.  So, I guess looking back we did exactly what we were supposed to do.

In addition to that blow, we discovered that all of our bids for building this big, beautiful and wonderful house came in CRAZY high.  Apparently construction is booming and people can (understandably and rightfully so) raise their prices.  We could afford to build this big, beautiful, and wonderful house--but with a heavy heart we choose not to. What if Mike lost his job again? What if one of the kids got sick, like really sick?  Do we really want to never travel or have money for projects or upgrades.  In a few years perhaps it's a risk we will want to take, but not now.  And that sucks. And hurts.  We decided after losing our house in Texas that we would never be 'house poor' again--and we feel like that this is the right decision to hold to in this situation.  WAA!  

We feel heartbroken and frustrated, sad and confused, and even embarrassed.  I feel like a total flake to not have had this work out--and I keep thinking of all the things we should have done differently. But, when I look back on it, I feel like we did what we were supposed to...so I am just going to pray for understanding and peace.

We are holding onto hope, and even faith though.  If one thing has been constant--besides the stress--it had been that we have felt the Lords hand in this whole long ordeal.  Nothing has come easy, but every step has felt like we were going the way we were supposed to.  And so, I'm going to hold onto that. For some reason we are supposed to be in this teeny-tiny apartment (I already know it will make me a more interactive and more patient mother!).  There is a reason we sold our home and left all our friends to start over...twice!  The whole thing hurts my heart, but I know that it will all work out in the end--even if I never understand it.  I don't know that we will ever understand, but, we will learn.  I'm determined to make the next 5 months full of learning and growing--maybe that is the whole point!

So, going forward?  Who knows.  Anybody have a house for sale by them they want us to come buy ;)  We are locked into our lease until Thanksgiving time, so that gives us some space to figure out what we are going to do. I'm going to try and get the apartment all unpacked and feeling like home so that it doesn't hurt my heart so much to be here. We are going to start attending the ward that we live in (we were going to attend the ward where our house was) and hire a realtor.  With 5 months maybe we will be able to find an awesome foreclosure or something. Or maybe we will find a totally lame house in the exact place Heavenly Father wants us. I don't know.  :)

House Update!

We sold!  After all the stress with hiring a realtor, it ended up being For Sale By Owner in the end, ha!  Cracks me up.  I am convinced that the Lord had a definite plan and wanted specific people to be in our house cuz the roller coaster we rode was crazy!  But, all is well that ends well and we are good to go!  We are slated to move out end of June and we *may* have a place to move--it is crazy the cost of rentals!! But...all is well that ends well and if I've learned one thing from this is that the Lord has a plan and I'm just along for the ride--trying to enjoy the ride! :)

We've been meeting with our architect and our plans have been firmed up and we are headed towards permits with the city.  Our lot is under contract and once we get the construction loan approved, we are good to go.  I am nervous about moving out of our home and ward not having closed on the construction loan, but I am reminding myself to move forward with faith and that we've done our part so to give Heavenly Father the chance to do His.

The name of the game for us on this house is to get the bones right, and do all the fluff stuff later. We love to be projecting, so to move into a house with nothing to do would actually be a bit boring for us.  In the years to come we will make our yard amazing, install fabulous trim treatments, and lots of cute decor.  For now, it might look a bit bland, but the bones will be there and they are going to be awesome!

It's a rambler, with craftsman finishes and it's going to be blue! :)  We are finishing the upstairs for now, and one bedroom in the basement.  It might be a bit tight until we finish the basement, but based upon the apartments we will be potentially moving into, it will be a big step up! Ha!

Daydreaming...

Everything on selling/buying/building is taken longer then I had thought, but in the meantime I'm finally figuring out in my head how I want things to look in the new place.  Since I can't do much but sit around these days, I've spent some time coming up with a cohesive plan for the new rooms in our house.  The kitchen-great room has me stumped...!  We know we are doing dark hardwood floors (actually, the hardwood look tile), and light (white or cream) cabinets with a neutral granite and bright white trim...but what color paint!?!?  The great room will have a lighter color carpet, in the speckled brown family and the kitchen and family room could be all one paint color.  Or two.  Or even more, if we did an accent wall or something.  Do you have a favorite?  Please share!  I'm really torn.  Gray and that pretty blue are super popular these days--and for good reason. They are so pretty!  But, something inside me says that I need to do something different from everyone else.  But then, it's just paint...easy to change later.  And if I love it, it doesn't matter what everybody else is doing...arg!

In the meantime, our bedroom is going to be gray with purple accents.  It looks like a lot of purple on this style board, but it's really not.  :)  Mostly it's gray and cream, with dark wood accents and some purple.  We are going to do grasscloth boxes of purple on the same wall as our bed, and a purple throw on cream bedding.  It's going to look amazing!

Our bathroom ( our OWN bathroom! ) will just be a continuation of the room.  Bright white trim, greige walls, dark cabinets, lots and lots of light.  I'm not sure yet on tile...

Katelyn and I are on the same page, thankfully, and the littlest Miss doesn't get a choice.  We are going with coral and green in her room, with distressed furniture and some gold.  I want one wall of huge polka dots, green headboards and footboards, colorful quilts for the beds, and bright white trim.  Katelyn really wants a canopy over her bed, but I'm not sure it will happen...I've got some great pieces of furniture just waiting to be refinished to go in her room--we gotta get a garage so we can do some projects!  Should be super cute!

The boys and I disagree. I want another BYU room like we have, but they want a lego room.  I think they should probably win, but we are still battling it out! ;)

We are moving in with just three bedrooms finished, so excluding the laundry/mudroom and the bathrooms, this is all I've got to think about. It's killing me that I can't make any decisions on the kitchen/great room--so send your advice.

 Can't wait to get the baby here so I can feel like myself again--and then get the house done to the point where I can decorate!  

Lost a buyer, found a buyer...

So--after all my ramblings, the sale fell through. :(  I have a list I'm going to ask Heavenly Father about when I get to heaven, and this situation is on that list.  It doesn't make sense to me why something that seemed, to my brain, to make so much good sense all around went south, but south it did and we re-vamped.  After hearing the news that our buyers backed out, we went right on with plan B and hired a realtor.  When we started this whole process we made a plan and it included a timeline for hiring help--we had met that deadline and so we made the jump.  It's a bummer, seeing how it is going to cost us extra money, but it's also efficient and somewhat of a stress relief knowing we've got someone to go to bat for us if things go wrong again.  We signed on Wednesday night and were back under contract by Tuesday morning (with competing offers!), so I guess it was worth it. * $7,000 worth it...? The jury is still out! ;) *

We had a roofer come out and verified that we did indeed need a new roof. Lame-sauce.  So grateful for handy and helpful family members who came over and spent the weekend with us roofing.  Mike got it all done yesterday, and we had an appraisal done, so we are one step closer to being done. It's no fun living in limbo-- I am hoping for some quick resolutions on any appraisal issues and some concrete evidence that the new buyers will actually buy our house.  We are a bit gun-shy after the last ones backed out after investing so much, and the VA loan that the new buyers have has a clause that lets them get out at any time.  Bummer.  We need to start moving towards temporary housing and storing our junk--but don't feel like it's smart to put any money down yet. In the meantime we wait. :)

I feel blessed that we were back under contract so quickly. It is no small feat to keep the house 'show ready' with all these kiddos, and my pregnant body doesn't seem to really want to cooperate either.  It is nice to let go of the stress a bit and not worry about the state of the house every second. We are never farther then 30 minutes or so from being able to put the house back together, but I no longer make sure the house is perfect every time I leave.  Bonus of being under contract, even if it falls through again. :)

Out for breakfast one of our show-mornings.

We have been making some movement towards our final destination-! That HAS been exciting!  We walked our lot with the builder this week and had a long chat about his thoughts.  We meet with the lender next week and, although we haven't actually put money on the lot yet, we are in constant contact with the owner and she assures us she considers it sold and won't sell it to anyone else.  Ernest money should go down on the lot soon and we are looking for architects to help us draw up our house plan.  We are stoked.